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TOPIC: is surrogate baby better?

is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7724

  • fire_eagle79
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welps... i officially give up on finding the right woman for me. :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly:

anyway, i was just thinking of getting a surrogate mother and i just want to know what are the consquences for this.

how i wish that women could actually make a baby on their own without the ewwy and gross sperm of a guy. :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly:

i want the sperm donor to be caucasian gay guy, with clean blood and no incurable medical histories of whatsoever and with an IQ of 135-140. :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly:

if in case that i know the donor, do i need to make him sign an agreement that after the baby came out, he will be withdrawing his claim for the custody of the child or will that be automatic?

I won't be doing this here in Thailand...

and how much does a surrogate mother costs?

even if it's my egg... will the egg of the surrogate mother mix with the DNA of the baby?sorry... i have no idea bout this. :blink: :blink: :blink:
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7725

  • usherette1984
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If you are serious about this, you shouldn't be asking such questions on the forum, but should rather be googling stuff, contacting people who have done this before etc. There are so many complications that go with this kind of decision ... legal, personal, financial and more. Frankly, finding surrogates and donors is just as hard as adopting a baby. Some things you'd have to consider is living with the surrogate or regularly checking up on her (what she's eating, if she's being healthy etc). You'd have to cover costs of visits to the doctor, maybe even pregrancy clothes, spending money, remuneration for doing this for you. Many, many things to consider. As to a sperm donor, getting any guy to do it is not as simple as in the past. Men take more responsibility these days and just like you wouldn't want to have a child you can never see, the same thing applies to them. So on top of the difficulty you'd have finding any guy to do this for you, you will most definitely have problems finding such a specific healthy, intelligent Caucasian etc. Yes, you'd have to get him to give up his parental rights. And No, DNA doesn't mix. Only yours and the donor's. The entire proceedings should be overseen by a lawyer or you might lose the baby (why half-ass it and risk it).
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7726

  • fire_eagle79
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i've googled some of the legal stuff that i might come across to this but unfortunately i don't know anyone --who's a lesbian who'd done this in the past--especially here in Asia--and if i will do it inside the country that i am going soon, the problem is even if the child is yours or your DNA, they would still screen you and investigate you and you have to show them a proof that you are capable of handling the full custody of the child-- and this will be at their own discretion.

about the guy... the reason why i want a gay guy is particularly not to mess up with the custody... as for the IQ it was just meant as a joke. It's so hard to just rely on whatever the hospital has at their sperm bank because anyone could donate it, without further background checking.

as for the surrogate mother, it's kinda difficult to find one and i have no problems of living with her if it's really necessary.

that's why i was thinking of doing it here in asia and have the adoption done here so that it'll be easier--not to mention the adoption and legal proceedings.

you have to go to the court and justify your parenthood to win the full custody and make the adoption a success.


my family doesn't really approve of having an adopted kid--if it's not my own blood.
Last Edit: 4 years 8 months ago by fire_eagle79.
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7727

  • usherette1984
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Doing it in Asia will be even harder. Don't do it here. As to gay guys, don't you think they want to be fathers too? It doesn't matter what the sexual orientation is, he might want to have a say in the baby's upbringing. What you are attempting to do is really hard, not only for lesbians or single women, even for heterosexual couples. All I can say is hire someone to advise you properly and has done something like this before. Another thing is, you need tons of money to pull it off.
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7728

  • esta
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I thought surrogate mothers were ment for women who are physically not able to bear children?
(At least as far as I know that's the way it's being doen in India.)
It will cost you a lot of money.

If you really want children, either carry them yourself or adopt. And if you don't want those options, you might ask yourself how big your wish to have a baby is?

And I really really hope that you have a good group of people in your life who will help and support you in raising the child/children. No matter how you became a parent/guardian.

The women friends that have that became mother used a sperm bank after years on a waiting list and having their backgrounds checked and eveything in The Netherlands.

Out of curiousity, why do you want have a child?
Is it because in the Asian/Phillipino society it is expected of you as a woman?
And does it make a difference for you if it's your own DNA/ flesh and blood?
If that doesn't matter to you, why can't your family be supportive if you decide to adopt.
There are so many children who could use a loving home and you wouldn't have to use sperm.

Succes with your decision.
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7729

  • fire_eagle79
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my family supports my life and preference only that they at least wish to have one child of mine, they want me to carry it on my own---but i don't think so. :lol: :lol:

As for the adoption, there are some conservative and religious traditions that doesn't really accept this method.

I want to adopt coz that's easier but my family said they won't recognize the child.
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7734

  • esta
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Of course there are always traditions and religions that need to be battled.
The Christian religions, like Catholics and Protestant all disapprove of any other form of reproduction that's not natural. So I'm surprised about your family's reaction towards abortion.
Maybe you can ask your family to support you for adoption within the Philippines. We both know that there are a lot of kids there that could use a loving family.

For surrogacy your best bet is India.
Check out these links for more information.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy_laws_by_country
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7746

  • fire_eagle79
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esta wrote:
So I'm surprised about your family's reaction towards abortion.


abortion???? :huh:
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7751

  • esta
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Oops, wrong word, should have been adoption. :blush:
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7754

  • Tomahawk19
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And hi again.. (Part 1)
This forum topic has reminded me of the short conversation I've had with some colleagues of mine ( actually i wasnt fully joined from begin to the end ) but, there were 2 of them , and both of them have asked me : would i choose black or asian (that was actually their intro to me ) Then to the first colleague who asked me that question I gave an answer,asian. And the she said yes!! :woohoo: Then i've answered the second colleague, that i wouldnt mind black too. But then i've asked them , what were they actually talking about , almost at the same time they've asnwered "Its about an adoption!
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7755

  • Tomahawk19
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And now Part II

India is also wellknown for this (surrogate mother)
Few years back I've saw a documentary about this, and made my own after conclution which was : the cost of the whole "traject"will be started at 5 zero's til..if you not lucky enough with one zero extra or even could go up to "losing the baby or your own trust to people and yourself.
About the share responsibility/custody, its the case of 50/ 50 (for the future time, at least)and dont forget: that you also make the kid like a hotdog.
And about dna stuff, Are you kidding me? I'm not believing that there will total 100% mix dna only from both(sperm and egg,but not the surrogate mother)The surrogate mother share her blood( her dna to the baby too.
So far i know, at very least, 4 out of 10 of surrogate mother had changed her mind after the birth of the baby.

When the( money+ wish) competing with (money + having that purest connection in your belly) who will think is going to be a real winnar?
( Direct to part 3)
My advice, carry the baby yourself. It cost you less stress,less money,it will teach you and let you feel that amazing bond between you and your kid,and you will surely face less very much possible probleems in the future.Its a gift from god, feel lucky with it.
Dont be ashamed,you can be a tom or a dee, thats not matter, feel lucky to be a tom who has such a great gift to can carry a baby. And think,this kind of thing should be natural,its not like order and paying stuff.
About adoption matter, is also a wonderful idea (its actually also my own wish to can adopt even only 1 child, when if i grow up later ;)

Ps : not sure if i've ever reacted in this kinda similar topic before. If i seems like repeating what have been written, i will say "I can !!" and try to see that as a compliment to you, coz you found out that there is at least one person has shared the same thought/idea with you.


If you agree or not, its your own decision of course :laugh:

Good luck!!
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7756

  • fire_eagle79
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Yeah I agree with you and thank you for expressing your opinion.

Though, india is not the only option for surrogacy. The only main reason why they are becoming more popular in this matter is because of their their poor economic condition and they also sell down their own kid to other foreigners who can't have a kid for a price.

There are also other countries who does this, like Peru and other parts of south east asia. Philippines is kinda expensive.

and i think there will be a three-way sort of DNA coz the mother, the egg and the sperm. So I think if the mother's blood is stronger or dominant than ours, chances the kid will look like her or carry her own traits.

As for the custody... as far as i'm concerned when you say "donor" why would you be entitled to share the custody with the other mother? that's why it's called donor right?

and as far the legal proceedings go, before the semen insertion he will be signing a waiver of rights clearly indicating that he is surrendering his rights as the father of the child and will never interfere with the child's life whatsoever.

as for the money. ---no comment. :silly:
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7757

  • fire_eagle79
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Yeah I agree with you and thank you for expressing your opinion.

Though, india is not the only option for surrogacy. The only main reason why they are becoming more popular in this matter is because of their their poor economic condition and they also sell down their own kid to other foreigners who can't have a kid for a price.

There are also other countries who does this, like Peru and other parts of south east asia. Philippines is kinda expensive.

and i think there will be a three-way sort of DNA coz the mother, the egg and the sperm. So I think if the mother's blood is stronger or dominant than ours, chances the kid will look like her or carry her own traits.

As for the custody... as far as i'm concerned when you say "donor" why would you be entitled to share the custody with the other mother? that's why it's called donor right?

and as far the legal proceedings go, before the semen insertion he will be signing a waiver of rights clearly indicating that he is surrendering his rights as the father of the child and will never interfere with the child's life whatsoever.

as for the money. ---no comment. :silly:
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Re: is surrogate baby better? 4 years 8 months ago #7758

  • fire_eagle79
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esta wrote:
Oops, wrong word, should have been adoption. :blush:


it's ok Esta :lol:
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